you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
