How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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