You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize