Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
