Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
