so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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