you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
