I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I deserve this hangover.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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