i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
