Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
