Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize