I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
