Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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