i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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