PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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