I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
