I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
