There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
