I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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