I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
