He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
