I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
