This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
