She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
