hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
