Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
