I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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