I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
