tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
