Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
