The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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