We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
