dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
