I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
