so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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