I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
