I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
