Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I touched a dick in church today
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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