You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
