are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
