I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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