I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
