Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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