I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So much Jack, so little girl.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
