guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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