god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
