Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
