Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think people are normalizing furries
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
