I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
