I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize