what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
