i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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