I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize