It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
