I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
