I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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