i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
