Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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