Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
