Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
