I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize