saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
