My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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